


Everything is Not Fine

by JohnxHelen



Category: The Man in the High Castle (TV)
Genre: A.Lot.Of.Angst, Abusive Relationship, Angst, F/M, Implied Character Death, Mental Anguish, Verbal Abuse, implied sex, mentions of euthanasia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 09:57:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnxHelen/pseuds/JohnxHelen
Summary: Hi guys! This is my first non- John/Helen fic. This is about Lucy Collins and the possibly abusive relationship that she went through, based on some dialogue from s2, episode 6 (Kintsugi). The fic is set in a au where Thomas doesn't die, because..reasons.





	Everything is Not Fine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Madchen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madchen/gifts).



"You should see the way that Henry looks at me now. His disappointment." 2x06

* * *

 

Even though Lucy Collins said that everything was fine, it wasn't. No one knew of what happened when she went home. No one heard her conversations with Henry about children.. No one saw it coming, least of all her.

 

The fact is that Lucy Collins never saw the events that were going to hit her like a train wreck, and leave her in a portable gas chamber.

Five years ago, she met Henry at a party for Ministry officials (she was a aspiring debutante in the social circle) and thought him to be the most handsome man in the world. He was so sweet, kind and generous that she couldn't help but marry him.

 

However, he always talked about having children. He was a only child and hated every minute of it. When he grew up, he had made a promise to himself that he would marry and fill his house with babies.

 

But then, despite his greatest efforts on his parts over the years, Lucy wasn't feeling nauseous or having a swollen belly, like some of his TV workers wives. His mind turned towards hate of his wife. She didn’t have that desirable swell of the belly, like Mrs. Smith or Mrs. Adler. Instead, she was as skinny as the day they met. He hated that, and started to consider antagonizing her in little ways (perhaps a affair?) to take his revenge on her body’s stubborn submission. 

 

At first, he tried to hide those renegade thoughts by burying himself in work. But, he had to go home eventually, or someone would think that something was truly wrong in his relationship. Then, Lucy would talk about her day and his demons would rise.

 

Lucy grew to be afraid of after-dinner talks. She would get up to wash the dishes and Henry would say something around the lines of, "So-and sos wife is having a baby shower/got pregnant/delivered a healthy boy (girl)". This would make her face start to quiver in a way that he somehow found satisfying. A tense silence would stay for a long minute, continuing her domestic tasks, while her brain would start to say what he had said in moments when he was frustrated by her incompetence in delivering a child, "Useless whore." and "Stupid cow." were some of the insults that he used.

These recollections would make tears silently drip down her cheeks.

She would excuse herself to make some coffee. When Lucy was sure that her husband would not see her, she would sob, feeling the veins near her heart burst brightly with all of the emotion that she was feeling. She then realized, while sobbing, about all of the infant toys and baby things that she had bought, would never be hers. Sure, Anne Heller would love the rattle with tactile bumps and lines for her teething baby boy, but Lucy would never get the pleasure of using them on her own babies. This made her sob harder, almost vomiting up her dinner into the upturned toilet but gagging like someone that had been afflicted with gas.

 

A week later , she was at Garden Club and Helen was talking about Heller. "You know something?" Helen cheerfully inquired to the group, "I visited her and her son was playing with the rattle that you gave her. You should have seen the look on his face, almost like you were his mother." Alice and Mary laughed and she was forced to join in. Inside of herself, she was slowly crying. She knew by now that if she wasn't pregnant there was something wrong with her. That's what people said, right? 

 

Helen Smith was not thinking of saying anything hurtful to her friend. She was currently looking at her facial expression, which seemed like one of unimaginable pain. She wasn't good at hiding her true feelings, like she was. Maybe it was because of her husband's position or it was a part of the stress that she was going through because of her want to get pregnant.

 

The next day, she invited her over for lunch because of her curiosities. She had come with her eyes swollen, barely covered with makeup. "Lucy?" Helen gently inquired. "It's nothing." she murmured. "It is something when my friend comes in with swollen eyes and tears barely making its way down your face because of dehydration." She was shocked. How could she know all of that? From personal experience? She got her vague answer when her friend said, "I just know things. Come inside, Lucy."

 

There, Helen had prepared a lunch that she had barely remembered; only knowing that the food was delicious and that she had complemented her many times. Then, her hostess had said casually, as she was nibbling on a cracker like a starved rat, " You know, when I was pregnant with the twins, I read a article in The New York Times about how stress can affect a pregnancy. I clipped it out and saved it." She meekly said, "And how does it affect pregnancies?" Helen confidently continued, "It deforms the fetus, Lucy, and, in some cases, leads to miscarriage or the death of the mother or.." here she stopped to drink some wine, "divorce."

 

"Helen," she was shocked. Could a divorce to her happen? Was he, while she was placidly dining with her friend, sticking his dick in places that he otherwise shouldn't just so he could have that much-desired child?

 

Her friend saw that look, the same one that she had at the Garden Club meeting yesterday. "I wasn't talking about you, silly!" she falsely giggled, leaving her friend at ease. "I'm talking about other couples, with a love that is weaker than decaffeinated coffee. Not like our husbands, who take care of us and..Did I tell you of what happened last night, after the children were in bed? Why he.."

 

"Ladies, what am I interrupting?" John walked in to their conversation, kissing his wife on the cheek. Her perpetual smile widened. "We were talking about what occurred last night." "Last night?!" his eyes comically bulging out of his head, "We don't talk about last night." "Yes, but I was only talking about before you removed the towel." "She can fill in the blanks from there, can't she?" John playfully bantered. "Maybe.." she playfully bit her lip, making her husband seem to harden. She laughed at the amorous display of her friend and said friend's paramour.

 

Lucy felt better after talking to Helen and John. For the first time in ages, she smiled. However, it was wiped clean off her face the minute that she saw her husband. His face was one of pure disgust.

 

"Lucy, I talked to Dr. Adler today." Shit, she privately said. She had gone to him in a moment when she has drunk too much and had been tested. "Why did you not tell me?" he advanced closer, close enough to touch, kill. She only now noticed the pistol hanging from a holster on his leg. "I...was drunk when it happened. Henry, have some forgiveness, please...don't."

Quietly, in a tone that she never knew her golden-boy husband had in him, he said, "Report yourself, or I will have to...take matters into my own hands." Somehow, she said, "No. It is my life, Henry, and we can't play around with it." "Oh, yes we can." he breathed, smelling like the whiskey at the Propaganda Ministry bar. He started to clumsily unbutton his pants. "No, Henry, not here." "Fucking do it then", he said, no commanded, as she slowly, wobbling from nerves, picked up the phone. "Do it, woman." Henry quietly said, then yelled, _"Fucking do it!"_

 

She couldn't. She had heard what happened to people when the Reich Health Bureau came for them. Instead, she quickly walked to the phone, as he had wanted, then ran into the bedroom, locking herself. "Alright, then, useless whore." Henry said, more to her then himself. "I'll call it then."

 

A few days later, she was heading to Garden Club, walking along the immaculately fixed lawns, feeling like a prisoner who had been given a last meal. Lucy hoped that her husband still had enough sense not to call them. He was drunk, after all, and he loved her. She stopped in front of the Smith household, about to walk in , when a man in a white lab coat and glasses intoned, "You are Lucy Collins, right?" "Yes, sir." she respectfully said. "You are under the custody of the state for your defects and therefore, the state, under the Füher, is responsible for curing it."

 

Her eyes widened. No, she thought, this can't be happening. "Sir, this is a mistake." She saw the ladies, including her friend and her husband, gather outside to see what was going on. "Helen!" she screamed. "Tell them it's a mistake. All of it." she said. The man with the glasses called out to her friend. "Is it?"

Helen didn't want to be taken by them. Hell, she had a husband and kids and god only knew what they would do to them. So, she said, " Sir, I don't know what she is talking about." "Thank you, Mrs. Smith." he said, aware that she was the wife of the highest ranking Nazi in the Greater Nazi Reich.

Lucy was shocked. "Helen!" she screamed, then sobbed uncontrollably. She didn't feel the arms of the man with glasses and..someone else? Everything was lost-her friends, her husband, and now, her life. Even if she didn't die now, she already was dead.

She never noticed the gas coming in from the rear of the truck until it was too late.

* * *

 

 

 


End file.
